Life, Love, and Everything In Between

I never know what to put here

Im sitting at school right now, and im bored. I want to say something to someone, but im not sure how to say it. Funny thing is, i've said it before, but i want to say it again. They know what i want to tell them, because i don't let them forget what i told them. I feel hopeless and hopeful at the same time. Im being cryptic for a reason, because things that i write on here are not as anonymous as i think they once were. Its so frustrating to be torn like this. I feel like I'm being cheated. Although, to be cheated of something, you have to have it in the first place. Unfortunatly I let myself pretend far too often. We go for lunch, we talk like we would, you trust me like you would, you even relax with me. I let myself pretend. And that scares me, far more than you understand. I need to make a change, but i don't want to. Its hard when you believe something so fully, believe that they will trully happen. I'm a knight of faith (as Kierkagaard would say) against my will. I fight with my thoughts all the time about this. I scare myself sometimes with the battles i rage. The Good has the high ground, and holds the fort, but The Evil has a powerful army, much more powerful than mine. Im lucky that i have re-enforments. Sometimes i think The Evil takes too much ground before i force it back, and once a battle has been fought, the ground on which its been fought is changed forever. I have said before that my thoughts are my biggest demons. I wish i could just escape them sometimes, but i know i need them, to learn from them. Im gonna say what i need to say, but i won't address it to anyone, because if its directed to you, you'll know. Here goes: I love you, more than know, more than i'll ever get to show you, just understand that i'm not going anywhere and i will always be here to fight for you and to love you.

posted by That Canadian Guy @ 2:55 p.m.